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I said that I was terrified by the thought of being celibate, by not being able to be intimate with someone I care deeply about. I told him that I was really lonely in my singleness. He asked me how I was doing and I just shrugged. He said, "Sorry haha, you're just my only friend I can talk to about these things." I told him it was ok and grabbed a coke from my fridge. I asked him how his now fiancé was doing, he said they were good, but she was worried they were going too far so they stopped doing oral and taking their pants off in front of each other. We stopped after a while and just started talking.
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One night he was in my dorm room (I had a single) and we were playing video games.
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We hung out most nights and had a lot of fun doing it. I was grieved that this could never happen though, because he was straight, and we were supposed to be good Christians being sexually moral.Ī year later, we were closer than ever. I wanted to cuddle with him, date him, feel him, pleasure him, and be pleasure by him. I told him about this when we were both adults and he was cool with it haha.įrom this point on, my desire for him grew so much. It was amazing! I got really nervous so I stopped, but had to go to the bathroom to rub one out. I carefully lifted up the elastic strap on his boxers and put my other hand in to grasp his dick. It was lifting up his boxers and even popping out of it a bit. This time when I touched his dick it was fully hard and very strong. I layed there a few hours and did this routine again. It was kind of small, he was flaccid, a lot smaller than me flaccid. I built up the confidence to feel his manhood. He didn't so I pressed harder and he still didn't. I first lightly touched him on his arm to see if he'd wake up. My lust made me want to touch him, so I did. I wanted to feel his beautiful hair, run my fingers on his tight body, feel his dick penetrating me. It was the first time that I longed to be with him sexually. All night I was laying there trying to sleep, but listening to his hypnotic snores and smelling his manly scent. One weekend we were at a retreat together for our Bible study and at the hotel, he and I shared a bed. He still used the stall the next time we met. When I met him at the pool he asked if it was ok that he changed in front of me and said it was fine, I didn't even look. I ran to the stall to change and pretended like I was pooping until I could get my boner to go down. I am glad he was facing away though because he would have seen me staring and my boner growing. All I saw was his muscly bubble butt that had a nice layer of hair. In the locker room I was wondering if he was going to change in front of me, since he knew I was gay. He and I would go work out at our school's rec center and one time we were going swimming. He also had a well groomed beard, and beautifully sculpted golden hair. He had well defined pecs, sexy abs, and the thickest body hair I've seen up close on a man. He was shorter than me, but much more toned. We lived in the same dorm so I would come to his room sometimes and he would be shirtless. I also liked him because he was a very attractive man. He and I would hang out all the time and talk, he quickly became one of my best friends and I was glad that I could talk about my struggles and fears with him. He isn't like a strong Christian, we'd make sex jokes, and curse, but he did go to this Bible study with me and didn't have sex with his girlfriend, although he did tell me that they did pretty much everything up to penetration. That scared me and I told my friend that it did. He and I read a lot of books about what the Bible says about this and most said that someone like me, trying to be good, but attracted to men, should pursue celibacy. I confided in a close friend About being gay and he was very caring, not at all hateful. In college I joined a Bible study right around the time I lost my virginity. I was afraid of what would happen if I told anyone. I grew up in a Christian home and tried as hard as I could to be good, so I hid these feelings from my family and friends. I've known I was gay for a long time, since at least age 10.